I will kick so much ass today

It’s been entirely too long since I’ve written a blog post. And like a lot of things, the inertia is overwhelming.

But I just read my cousin-in-law’s blog, where she is on Day 97 of a 100-day self-imposed writing challenge, and her writing is so beautiful. She and I don’t have a whole lot in common, but we have more than I think I’ve let myself acknowledge. Her fearless approach to writing resonated deep within.

At some point in the recent past, I packed myself up and didn’t let myself admit that these are the things I like, and these are the emotions I have, and I am grateful for these experiences.

Work has been hard. I don’t feel like I’m growing, and I feel like my path is unclear, and as those worries have compounded for years (which is ridiculous), it’s slowly evolved to where I have a hard time fully enjoying all of the rest of my life. One of the top three questions people will ask you when they haven’t seen you for a while is “How is work?” I’ve tried brushing the question off, lying, being honest, being too honest, and the conversation never really goes in a way I could call “good.” The whole thing gets awkward in my head. It’s frustrating. It’s embarrassing. It’s redundant. It’s boring.

So I feel frustrated. And embarrassed. And redundant. And boring.

And on top of it, or because of it, or whatever, my internal self kind of disintegrated. Obstacles become too big to be considered. Disappointments don’t leave.

I HATE feeling like this. Who the hell is this whiny bitch? I can’t seem to break through.

So my new motto will be: I will kick ass today.

I have some new projects totally unrelated to work that are taking shape, and I’m getting SO much positive reinforcement from my friends. I am getting love, and hugs, and support, and confidence. All you need to do is just kick a teeny tiny bit of ass. Just a smiiiidge. And that instantly becomes so much.

I have wanted to start a gratitude journal, but wasn’t sure how. Thank you, thank you, thank you Christen for showing me how it’s done. Today, I am grateful for you, and for my wonderful Phil, whose voice I always hear in my head, telling me to do the things I’m good at, or want to be good at.

I will kick so much ass today. And I will be great at it.