Under the weather

I think I have the flu. I am very not excited about this. I have to watch the kids on my own today too, while Phil has a haircut.

I got a little bit of a rest this morning though, and I will remain grateful for coffee, and over the counter medicine.


January 22

I’m grateful for just enough light seeping in around the edges of the curtains, so I can stare at my beautiful baby girl.

I’m grateful for a few extra minutes of holding her today, even though I am SO tired.

I am grateful for her stillness, because oh my LORD is she a wiggle worm these days.

I’m grateful for her ridiculously silly and amazingly sweet and kind older brother, who, when I was setting her up on the floor with toys, helped me gather them from one room and bring them to her in the other room, without being asked or prompted in any way.

I’m grateful for his giggles and cries of “more!” when I smother him in kisses.

I am grateful for Phil, for changing diapers without complaint, for taking the morning off work to hang out with us so I could go to a meeting, for cleaning the kitchen and making popcorn, and walking outside in the freezing cold to fetch ice cream for us. For the way we always tell each other how bedtime went, even though it’s mostly the same story.

I’m grateful that Enzo says things like “sleepy bug,” or “night night,” or “dumpie,” when he’s ready to go to sleep.

I’m grateful for my family. My beautiful, amazing family.

Falling behind

Already? Already. Because babies.

But I’m grateful for new days to start over. And there are no merit badges for updating every day, so I can forgive myself and keep going.

Today I’m grateful for delicious, delicious coffee. And easy naptimes. And remembering to switch over the laundry in a reasonable timeframe. And having dinner already made before 1 pm. And January afternoons above 50 degrees.

Every day, there’s so much to be grateful for, including blogs that patiently wait for your attention.

Catching up

On the 6th, Elsie woke up at 2 in the morning. I managed to slip into happy mom mode – the one where you’re not bitter about being awake, and you just drink it in. Elsie slept on my chest for a little while, not just heavy in my arms, and it’s just the sweetest feeling ever to have a baby tucked under your chin, above your heart.

My friend Nikki is also a birth photographer, and a couple days ago asked for people to define motherhood. So while I had my sleeping sweet pea to rock, I wrote this on my phone:

Motherhood is love without choice. There was love before, doled out however you saw fit. You chose the recipients and the volume and the intensity. Now though, there is a creature who just showed up one day, with all your love attached, and they are skipping about, with your love spilling out everywhere.

It’s far from a perfect description, but it’s a start. 😊 I was awfully grateful for that hour with my baby girl, but also quite grateful for my warm snuggly bed when it was over.

Yesterday and today have honestly bled into each other in my brain. Although yesterday, I did manage to get a 45 minute nap, and got quite a bit of work done in the morning. I am so, so grateful my mom has been here the past three days to watch the babies and play with them in the morning, so I could get stuff done. And I’ve gotten SO much done (never as much as I want, but really… whenEVER will *that* happen?)

Tonight, I’m grateful to be in bed before midnight. This week is kicking my ass – I’ll be glad when work settles down again.

…and then there’s your answer

I’ve been wondering what I would write about tonight, and I almost wrote a quick post this afternoon to knock something out, talking about something or another… I’m so glad I waited.

Monday night is band night. Phil & three friends go into our basement & play a concert just for me, only slightly garbled by the two stories of house between us. Of course, they call it “practice,” but that’s beside the point. In any case, Monday means bedtime for both babies is squarely on me. Fortunately Elsie was tired, and the band was running a little late, and I made Phil give me five more minutes so I could put her down before being left with Enzo on my own.

And boy, did he stretch out bedtime. I generally try to keep it to three 15 minute segments: 1) play; 2) quiet snuggles on the couch with books & milk; 3) lights-out snuggles on the couch; then it’s time for bed, whether he’s asleep or not.

Tonight, it was a full hour before we got to lights out. 😳

I kept that to the 15 minutes though, and then asked him if he wanted to do “dumpie.” He loves construction trucks, and one day for nap, I pretended to be a dump truck loading him into his crib, and then I did a jackhammer to tuck him in, and weeks later it still works (!), even though I didn’t do it at all while we were on vacation. And tonight it still worked, and I’m still surprised. He parroted my “dumpie,” and then said “nap,” which is his word for his crib, and both of them seemed to be assents, not arguments. So… Dumpie it is then. And he was SO HAPPY to go to bed! He snuggled into his mattress and pillow, and said “night night.” And he squirmed and gave me the HAPPIEST smiles.

I jackhammered him in, and he was still saying “night night, mommy,” and I laughed at him while I finished settling down his room and gathering my things, and said “night, night, Enzo.”

I was almost ready to leave when he said “kiss? kiss?” And ZOMG, I melted in a puddle of teh cutes. And while leaning over a tall crib rail to kiss a toddler only a few inches off the floor isn’t the easiest thing in the world – by God, that kid was smothered in kisses. 😍😍😍

As I was walking out the door, fit to bursting with love and oxytocin from the sweetest toddler ever, I said “sweet dreams, Enzo, I love you.”

And he said back “amboo, mommy.”

And that is what I’m grateful for today.

Home. Sweet, sweet home.

Grateful for my own bed. And for my babies’ own cribs. And for Phil, who dealt with Enzo’s first meltdown at the sight of his crib: “No! Nap!”, even though it was nowhere near bedtime. And grateful for Phil again, who endured the THREE HOUR standoff to get Enzo to sleep while I worked, and then he cleaned the kitchen.

Tomorrow: real life again. I almost feel ready to tackle it.

New Year’s + 2

So more thoughts to follow, but while I have two other people to entertain my babies…

On January 1st, I was grateful for Elsie’s adorable babbles (distinct “dadadada” sounds happened for the first time), for my baby girl’s first tooth coming in, and holding her on Mimi’s porch while she napped and Enzo played. And I was very grateful for a whole day where I didn’t change a single diaper, thanks to Phil.

On January 2nd, I was grateful for my toes in the ocean, for Elsie’s first dip in the ocean, and for watching Phil & Enzo play in the sand. Grateful that Phil took us, when he knew I needed to see the ocean, when he really probably would’ve rather gone home and napped. I was grateful for good customer service, so we could return the things that were defective & improperly sized, so we could get what we needed. I was grateful for changing stations in mens rooms, not just in the ladies room.

Today, I am so, so grateful for grandma, who watched Ella for us while we were in Florida, who gladly welcomed at 7 am a van full of weary travelers who had driven 9 hours straight through the night. She took Enzo and played with him when Phil & I could barely string a sentence together, and when the time came a few hours later, she gently pushed us all into bed. Even after naps, she was the primary adult in charge of babies while Phil & I recaffeinated and recalibrated. Grateful for Phil for doing most of the driving, then staying awake even after I took over, and talking to me about who-the-heck-can-remember.

I want to log something for which I’m grateful every day this year, hopefully with a little more eloquence, but always with an open heart. 2015 will be hard, because life should stretch you. Hopefully I can remember to find moments of joy and beauty and love. Happy New Year!